THE PAIN FOR 5 DAYS


Its the 5 th day since i got this damned high fever .... had an injection on sunday though.
///.....buts thats not the reason why i am here....i am here cos i feel the pain both in spirit and heart...during this five days, i felt the pain of the past... i remembered sandy...you know my ex that left me for another guy .///that crap...remembered the time my dad really kicked me out of the house....(quite recently actually) when the girl i liked (yi lei) called me ugly on my bday last year and kissed david (my best friend)on the same day... and later i found out they were together....now yi lei trying to be nice by calling me pretty boy and all cos they recently broke....but i still feel the pain...the truth was..i never really felt love...not at home...not in school not elsewhere...sandy..was a person i felt loved me ..until i found out she left me for another guy....i mean.. i just hate all the pain i bottle up.... i am scared to live..as i am becoming everything i hate....i dont know how to love..i am self-fish...self centered ..i only thing god loves me ..but i am slowly losing that thought.....amber now ...is a great person..but i dont really know how to treat her well...cos i dont know what love is... i have never felt it..in my entire life..

you know why i think of these ppl? cos my dad represents my hate for the world now with no love....sandy showed me how i can never trust others ..not even my love ones ....

yi lei showed me that liking someone means letting someone hurt you..now tell me how do i feel love?? i feel only pain....i cry a lot inside..i dont let anyone know....ppl that call me lonely ..you know why i feel that way>??its cos i feel sperated from this world..i feel like i lost all hope of living in this place....................well ppl might called me emo or whatever...but do they know how they feel?? can they honestly come up to me in my shoes and say they feel nothing??!!! well..what can i say...the girls i like are the girls all the bad guys want....amber on the other hand seems to be my only light of hope..which is fading.. cos...i dont know whats going on..sighs...well i wish i knew what love was...sighs...well only wish she would have loved me too....